​Making of a Monster
MONSTER - "person or thing that cannot be controlled and that causes many problems."

It is inconceivable that monsters like my ex-wife Kathy De Fiori exist, let alone I married one who is the mother of my children.

Like all other personality disorders, the causes of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) are complex. It is generally believed that NPD is linked to mismatches in parent-child relationships with either excessive pampering or excessive criticism. ("Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Causes" www.mayoclinic.org).

It is important that I show Kathy is a narcissist in order to demonstrate that: (1) Kathy is capable of the prostitution and other criminal activities I accuse her of, and (2) I have been a victim of extreme narcissistic abuse and my children and I have suffered severe emotional, psychological and financial abuse due to Kathy's disorder which was caused by failed parenting.

Causes of Narcissism

There are two generally accepted paths that result in development of NPD, both having to do with a failure in parenting but at opposite ends of the spectrum. One cause is thought to be overinflating a child's ego and abilities thus instilling in them feelings of grandiosity and entitlement, with the other being overly-critical of a child filling them with toxic shame and squelching their individuality. Kathy's narcissism developed out of the later.

"Good parents . . . recognize their children’s unique ways of being and value those distinctive. And they allow their children to grow up and develop their own individual identities as separate people rather than trying to force them into their mold or make their children meet the parents’ needs.

How well we develop our God-given self determines to a large degree whether we will become emotionally healthy individuals or suffer from narcissistic or other adjustment disorders. For some reason, the potentially narcissistic person fails to develop his true God-given self and shifts his energies into becoming the kind of person he thinks he must be in order to feel good about himself—someone that everyone will admire. Instead, of becoming the person God created him to be—with strengths and weaknesses like the rest of us, he can only feel good about himself when his false grandiose perfect self is being affirmed." ("Understanding Narcissism"- http://lifecounsel.org).

Sadly, this is exactly what happen to Kathy. Kathy's father, Manny (retired LAPD) and step-mother Patti not only failed to recognize and nurture Kathy's uniqueness, they physically and emotionally abused Kathy into believing her true God-given self was shameful and worthless. As a result, Kathy put her energies into creating someone who her family admired for making them laugh and became known as the family clown, Kathy's first False Self.
Kathy's Failed Parenting

Kathy's father very obviously completely failed as a parent.  Manny's failed parenting is self-evident just based upon Kathy being a serially unfaithful wife and abandoning her children. You can ignored Kathy's prostitution and criminality.  Manny's poor parenting continues even today as evidenced by his ignoring of the truth about Kathy and instead allowing himself to be conned by Kathy into enabling her once again. No mask of Kathy's is safe or sincere, not even her sobriety mask.

FIRST, Kathy's "biological mother" (as Kathy referred to her), Judy, was Kathy's initial push into pathological narcissism, Judy was an alcoholic and serial cheater and voluntarily handed her children over to Kathy's father, abandoning them to go off to be a prostitute and have fun, just exactly like Kathy did to her children.
​SECOND, and perhaps most detrimental to Kathy developing NPD was Kathy's father. Rather than be sensitive to his daughter’s loss of her mother by validating Kathy's uniqueness and giving Kathy unconditional love, Manny severely emotionally and psychologically abused Kathy and brutally belt whipped Kathy for such things as soiling her underwear. Manny's lashings were so savage that Kathy's half-sister Gina would go into the closet and put her fingers in her ears so as not to hear the whips across Kathy's bare bottom and Kathy's blood-curdling pleas for her father to stop.
"When children are raised with chronic loss, without the psychological or physical protection they need and certainly deserve, it is most natural for them to internalize incredible fear. Not receiving the necessary psychological or physical protection equals abandonment. And, living with repeated abandonment experiences creates toxic shame. Shame arises from the painful message implied in abandonment: ‘You are not important. You are not of value.’ This is the pain from which people need to heal." ("understanding the Pain of Abandonment" - www.psychologytoday.com).

This is where Manny miserably failed as a parent by immediately seeking a replacement for Judy in order to relieve his burden of being a single father (like I have had to take on) rather than be sensitive to the extreme emotional pain inflicted on Kathy and her older sister Angie due to their mother's abandonment. In the end, Kathy and Angie were emotionally abandoned by their father as well.

THIRD, Kathy's step mother, Patti, was not someone Kathy could to turn to for a mother’s love, protection or nurturing. Patti followed Manny’s example and abused Kathy by proxy shaming Kathy for such things as maturing into a young woman and needing her first bra.

Kathy labeled herself Cinderella and the “white sheep” in her family because she was the only one out of Manny’s four daughters (two with Judy and two with Patti) who inherited Judy's looks and blonde hair and blue eyes. Kathy felt that both Manny and Patti subconsciously took their disdain for Kathy’s mother out on her. ​

There is no doubt that Kathy had the type of parenting that results in a child growing up to be a pathological narcissistic adult. Kathy's behavior throughout adulthood has proven that to be what occurred.